Close to home.

Too close.

It’s been so long since I’ve been on this site, no computer and no strength to tell the truth.

I lost so much last year and the wins feel small against it all. They feel forgettable and that terrifies me. I don’t want to forget those tiny things that made me smile, made me push on…

Im determined to make up for that feeling this year, making it one impossible to forget, whatever happens let it be with a bang!

I came on to this page tonight to flood away these shakes I’m plagued with after watching a film with a plot revolving around a teenager being raped and seeing her rapist every day without anybody else knowing the truth. I felt sick but couldn’t stop… That person who destroyed who she was and made the person she became, everyone loving him and her swallowing down bile when seeing his face… It’s been years since it happened yet here I am, shaking as if it was yesterday. Her face and her feelings could have been mine, hers was a casual school mate, mine was my best friend, my boyfriend, the person who swore loved me the most and had me in the palm of his hand. He has who I was forever… That beautiful soul of mine will forever hold those scars and I can only whisper in hope that one day it won’t be this way… Something will change. It has got better but I will never get that girl back and he doesn’t deserve to keep her. One day I will find a way to set her free.  Tell the world to watch her shine… One day that girl will smile again.

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